Stay on the Right Track

By Steve Gordon - July 14, 2010

It has been nearly a month or more since I wrote the home page even as it was only posted on July 1st. I was out on the porch tonight reading a book about World War II that is riveting and very good stuff and it occurred to me that I had something more important to do. I can read later. I can be impulsive like that.

It is likely with this blog being new little of this will be read immediately, but I am working on trying to get the blog out so people will find it. There is a link on www.prisonforum.org that I recommend for anyone interested in prisons and reform. I would like to get a link with The Pennsylvania Prison Society and I plan to work on that.

In the mail yesterday came a letter from the Summer Wood Corporation. They provide management for Taco Bell, KFC, Pizza Hut, and Long John Silvers. I applied for a manager or assistant managers job with them. I have over 20 years of food service management experience so it is logical I look for work in that field. I have been straying and applying for jobs outside that realm however not wanting to limit my options.

Please understand that I am not putting Summer Wood out there as bad guys, I am just using them an example of the “establishment” that contributes to making it hard for people released from prison, who have skills, to get steady jobs with established companies. To their credit they did give me a phone interview at least, but the letter was mailed the same day as the phone interview and took only a shade over 24 hours to arrive here in the mailbox.

Actually one of my answers to the phone interview question of why I wanted to work for them was that I wanted a stable company where I knew I would have a job (where I could contribute) as opposed to a smaller privately owned operation that could go out of business in today’s economy in short notice and leave me searching again. But then every college kid and unemployed worker is probably looking for the same thing, and they haven’t created a felony record for themselves. This searching for a job thing is very stressful and it taxes your every fiber.

Many of you probably know how it goes with these letters. “Thank you for your interest in our company and for taking the time to interview with us.”, it read and then continued, “ I’m sorry to say we are unable to offer you a position at this time.” Of course mostly there are no letters or even email replies to the hundreds of job applications and resumes I have sent out.

Mom said today that she felt I must be getting bored with nothing to do. Of course the reply is obvious – yes, I am. I find things to do and there are things to fix and work on around here, but I feel uneasy about the whole situation. I get out like when some friends invited me to play golf with them and paid for the initial round of golf. It’s good to have kept friends through my 10 years in prison that are supportive of me even if they cannot help my employment situation.

Now you might say playing golf is frivolous and not responsible, just as some have criticized our nation’s presidents over time for playing golf in the face of this or that crisis. I will make this brief. You have to have something to go to that allows you to get away from the stress and pressure of life’s woes. This works for me now as it worked for me before I put myself in the jam I am in today. Without that I believe any normal person would eventually cave under the weight and the constant looking for the light at the end of the tunnel.

I think it was Will Rogers who once said something like, “You can be walking down the right side of the train tracks and still get run over.” It kind of puts it all into perspective to consider that you are doing everything right and there are still footprints up your back. I will take those trips to the golf course and even as I have exhausted all the favors people might bestow upon me, I might have to dip into the savings for a round or two from time to time until I start collecting income from a job.

One final note on the golf. I used to do some freelance golf writing and get as much as $200 for one story. I lost those contacts but not all of them and I did earn a few dollars and got free golf for doing a course review for http://www.golfbuckscounty.com/ .

I also went to the place where my 89-year-old father works part-time. His boss actually offered to give me a job when I was released and had I been released on parole years ago when eligible it could have been a full-time job with benefits. But it is a small place and the economy has slowed things down and that is no longer available. It is an example of how the games played by the Pennsylvania Board of Probation and Parole affect people succeed because they were aware of this.

Dad is still proud to introduce me as his son on an equal basis with my brother who did not put himself in prison. My internal problem is that I have thrown dirt on the family name and yet the family continues to be behind me. Well, all except my son who has his own issues and will be 27 years old next week. That is another internal problem, but I won’t go into that today.

Today I just wanted to tell you about how things are progressing and emphasize how no matter how hard those doors get slammed in your face, one will crack open and maybe the next one will let you in. Giving up and doing something stupid is not the way to go. You have to stay on the right track and you have to keep walking in the right direction.

For me, I will be out on the porch tomorrow night with my book, The Steel Wave by Jeff Shaara. It’s too dark to sit out and read this Wednesday night but it is never too dark to keep your head up and keep your feet and mind moving forward.

Reentry is no picnic

By Steve Gordon

I was sitting on the front porch one quiet night thinking about my day. I am living in a nice suburban neighborhood of houses built in the 1960’s. As I sat out there on a late Spring evening, alone, enjoying the breeze, looking at how the trees have gotten so big and watching cars and people walking or on bicycles go down the street, etc. I reminisced on the afternoon where I was told, “We can’t hire people who have been convicted of a felony. It’s the law.”

It was a slap in the face and back to reality. The thing is you cannot let these kinds of things on reentry after prisons get you down. You have to take the bull by the horns and be proactive and keep thinking positive. If you let it get you down, you might as well never have left prison. I am sorry if that is abrupt or sounds harsh or cold. The fact is that it is the truth.

Isn’t it funny how one bad thing can overshadow an entire life of doing good things? I had a home with my wife and son and I kept the house maintained while working to make improvements. I had various ornamental garden areas I planned and planted over the years and as they grew they were something to enjoy. I had a family and a comfortable family life and a good job. All of that is gone now – all of it.

I am now 63-years-old, divorced, my 27-year-old son doesn’t know if he wants a relationship with me, my home is gone (to the ex-wife), the gardens went with the home, and I have no pension or money as well as a place of my own to call home. I basically have only a 14-year-old car, some personal things retrieved by my family while I was in prison, and I live with my elderly parents. I am thankful for what I do have however, because many released from prison have less – like nearly nothing.

Life on reentry for an ex-con on parole isn’t easy. I completed my sentence and was released without parole, probation or any other supervision, but it is still tough facing the same day-to-day challenges as a parolee. Being on parole is a whole different animal with restrictions, but the bottom line is you have to do whatever it is you have to do. It is actually that way for everyone in life, but it is exaggerated for people coming out of prison.

I like to compare life to something that has been said about golf. Yes, I know golf is a game, but a lot about sports – about golf – is like life. It is played on the honor system with rules. Life is played on an honor system with laws. If you break the rules or law then you are penalized. So here it is, plain and simple. I don’t think any statement can simplify life better than to say you need to have a short memory.

If you hit a bad shot you have to forget about it and move on the next shot.

So I had one (failed) job interview even before I hit the state job center. SO WHAT! It was not unexpected and at the time I knew it probably wasn’t the last time I would here those words. I hadn’t been out of prison for two weeks yet. Geez… Nobody ever said life was easy and of course nothing is guaranteed in life. If you believe that then you are due for a big attitude adjustment. You want to hear a good line. Shortly before I was released my mother, who is in her mid 80’s, wrote to me about things with her and dad (late 80’s) aging. She said, “Growing old isn’t for sissies.” Think about that one for a minute. I think the same could be said about reentry into society and toeing the line.

Anyway, a few days later I borrowed mom’s car and drove to a 9:30 orientation at the Pennsylvania Career Link. It used to be called the State Unemployment Office but over time they freshened up the name and expanded the services available. I talked to several people who were positive in talking to me even as I disclosed my situation of having spent the last 10 years out of the job force and behind razor wire fences and barred windows. I saw an intake representative, a veteran’s representative and assigned a counselor I would talk with. The problem is in today’s economy the employers can be picky and so far they have refused to pick or even interview this ex-con. That isn’t to say I won’t find a job, it says the issue cannot be forced.

Patience is important in life, but none more important than dealing with the adventures of reentry. It was around 1 PM when I walked out of the Career Link office and headed home to go with mom to the grocery store. There were a lot of people for me to see and it involved some sitting and waiting in between. Having a short attention span and impatience doesn’t work and it will not serve you well ever, reentry of not.

Here’s another tip. Have goals but don’t make them too lofty. You want to be a manager of a store. GREAT! But accept you might have to be a warehouse or storeroom worker, shelf stocker or cashier first. Rome wasn’t built in a day and your successful reentry won’t come about overnight. It is a process that has to have a solid foundation that will allow you to build on in the future. A light warehouse job the veterans representative at the Career Link office called about didn’t even yield an interview. Think getting our of prison is tough, try being older to boot and trying to find work.

Regarding that bad shot of that first job interview, I put it behind me (call it experience) just as I have put those 10 years away from the world in my back pocket. IT HAS TO BE DONE! I don't mean it gets forgotten – it doesn’t. It never does. It stays there, but it is up to you to keep it behind you and not to let it shade where you are going. Where you are going is out of the darkness and into the light. NEVER FORGET THAT!

Will it be easy? I will not lie to you, it will be hard, and it could be very hard and harder for some than for others. Some will struggle with finding a place to life and having three meals a day. I cannot speak on that because I have a lot of family and friend support. I have a roof over my head and eat my meals with my parents. I am here helping them maintain as much independence as possible and as they have not forsaken me as some others have like my son Jim and 37-year-old daughter Diana (from a first marriage when I was in the Navy).

The Official Word

Prisoners are up against more than just society and attitudes when they get outside the razor wire and locked doors. It is about being prepared, but how do you do that? Being prepared of course is what life is all about and not living just for today day after day. Eckert Tolle wrote a book called The Power of Now. I haven’t read the book but someone I know has and from what I gleaned from her talking about some things, I do not buy it totally. You have to live for the now at first but while it is about now, it goes back to preparing for now and doing it yesterday. It can start slowly in your mind before the gate slams behind you and there you are, outside.

How do you get prepared? I think I can honestly say there is little you can do to prepare for physically without outside help for facing the free world after incarceration. Each situation is different for every individual from personal attitude to simple logistics of support of family and friends, finding support groups, and having or finding a direction. Even with the optimal situation however, it’s no piece of cake. What you need to prepare for is having a tough skin and be mentally strong for the bureaucracy you will face.

Here is what the public knows of the situation. The Pennsylvania Department of Corrections has a section on its web site about reentry and it reads:
       “The Department of Corrections does not focus solely on keeping inmates behind bars. Over 90 percent of the inmates incarcerated in PA state prisons will eventually be returned to the community. One of the most important ways that the Department can fulfill its mission of protecting public safety is by adequately preparing inmates for community reintegration.
       "Planning for reentry begins upon admission to prison. The first step is to conduct a through assessment of inmate risk and needs. Accurately assessing an inmate’s risk of reoffending and treatment needs allows the Department to better target treatment resources. During incarceration, inmates are then afforded the opportunity to gain the knowledge and skills they will need to increase their probability of success upon release. The Department understands the importance of providing a continuum of care and appropriate aftercare services. Aftercare services are provided primarily through community corrections centers and contract facilities. In addition, the Department recognizes the crucial road that community resources play in preparing offenders for transition from prison to home.”

Excuse my language, but bullshit.

I don’t know where to start with this statement. From my experience there are well meaning DOC staff who want to help and genuinely believe in all of the programs designed to accomplish the above. There are also that many more DOC staff who are just there doing a job and could care less if anyone learns anything and succeeds outside of prison. For them it is a paycheck and job security.

In Pennsylvania the community corrections centers are full. My understanding is that they were designed as a transition for people coming out of prison for reentry whether on parole or completion of sentences. I remember a few cases where inmates were sent to these centers a month or two before completion of sentence so they could prepare for the shock of transition back to society. Not today!

Today there are thousands (my estimate) of prisoners behind bars who have been approved for parole but have been given no release date and they have no place to go, so they stay in prison. We need more halfway houses, not more prisons. I wonder if Pennsylvania will ever figure out why the prisons are so overcrowded and why the problem is growing and not being alleviated? I wonder if the PA DOC and the Parole Board will ever work together?

There are organizations willing to help with reentry starting with The Pennsylvania Prison Society, but they are scattered and localized. There are a lot of faith based people and organizations willing to step up and help as well. You have to find them and you have to work with them and you have to listen to them. None guarantee success, but without trying there can never be success. A great piece of advice I got from The Prison Society was to go out and do volunteer with my time and perhaps word of mouth will result in a lead for regular employment. Plus it helps someone else out in the meantime.

I read a newspaper article (The Philadelphia Inquirer?) earlier this year before I was released that said Pennsylvania spends out of pocket every day $124,000 to house prisoners in Michigan and Virginia. Imagine how much good that money could do for the schools, roads, state run or sponsored reentry programs, etc. Pennsylvania wants to spend billions of dollars to build four more prisons. By my personal estimate you would need at least one of them for all the paroled prisoners still being held and another one or two for the prisoners transferred out of state. Then consider that there are still more coming into the system and more being retained. Where does it end?

Here comes one of many no win Catch-22’s. If you are paroled and have an approved ‘home plan’ (by the Pennsylvania Board of Probation and Parole) you can go straight home or to a center for a short time. It’s more likely that you will go home because the centers are overcrowded. Those people who go home likely have outside support to help them along as I do.

For the record I was ready to be paroled in 2005 when I was 58-years-old having fulfilled all the prerequisite requirements for parole consideration with an approved ‘home plan’. However, the DOC (who supported me five times) and the PBPP didn’t see eye to eye on that was basically due to objections from my prosecuting attorney. I know this because the Parole Board told me so. Now, going on 64 the difficulty is magnified for employment and health insurance and the whole nine yards. Also for the record, my prosecutor, T. Gary Gambardella, was fired after 20 years in the District Attorneys office in Bucks County, allegedly for being too hard lined.

Back to the Catch-22. Those who have been approved for parole have to get an approved ‘home plan’ before they can be sent to a community corrections center. The frustrations lie in that many of those people could find a place to go from the centers, but the centers are full of people who haven’t done that. Secondly, the problem gets compounded by the DOC who approves people for pre-release to go to centers before their minimum date and without parole before those who have been paroled. Imagine sitting in prison approved to be paroled or reparoled and watching people leave taking your bed in a center who aren’t even eligible for parole yet?

But I’ve gotten off target here and the focus in this article is about reentry. The point I wanted to make is that in Pennsylvania there is little preparation of prisoners for reentry.

You Can’t Change Some Things

Now, as tough as it is making the transition, here is another lesson. You cannot change many things so you have to deal with them. You are in charge of only things relating to you and you are forced to go with the flow if you will.

For example, as much as I want a relationship with my children, I can’t have it. Not now anyway. Maybe in time, or maybe never. I hope not the later but there is nothing I can do about it because it is on them. I cannot let this add to the burden I bear and get me down. It may sound cold, but I am just facing reality and reality is that ice cube slipped down the back of your shirt that gives you a chill.

But I have family and friends support and when I got here people had left so many clothes for me there were boxes to donate to the needy after I weeded out the things that fit and the things that didn’t. There is generally no luxury of picking out all the clothes you like and don’t. I have a goal to drop 20 pounds so I kept some of the maybe items I might be able to wear in time. Then there were the phone that calls came in from family and friends to welcome me home.

The PA DOC web page goes on to say, “Offender reentry is a local process and is most successful when the offender has the benefit of being connected with agencies and organizations in his or her own community.” It goes on about developing partnerships with community and faith-based groups who will work with the offender assisting reintegration back into the community.

Just leaving prison is an experience in cooperation to help you on your way. In Pennsylvania you get nothing but a set of clothes to wear out the door only if someone doesn’t send in or bring clothes for you. Also they will freeze your inmate account months before your release date so there is money to pay for a bus or train ticket. Even in the Shawshank Redemption they got a suit and a bus ticket. I know, it’s a movie, but it is more than you get in Pennsylvania. I am not sure what happens if you don’t have enough money for a ticket (some inmates don’t work and/or are disadvantaged without outside support and have little funds or income for their inmate account). I heard you have to sign a paper agreeing to pay it back but I don’t know that as fact.

For me, my brother came to pick me up and brought some clothes mom put together. It was a 4-hour drive each way to the prison where I was so we had a nice talk about stuff in the car on the way home and mom and dad were waiting for me.

Shelter, Meals, Clothes and Finding a Job and Adjusting

Where are you going to live? Do you have the support of family and friends, but can they provide a roof over your head and meals to help get you back on your feet. There are homeless shelters and if you are a veteran there are other options. There also is a public assistance office that can provide food stamps and maybe some form of medical care. For veterans, if you didn’t explore what your benefits might be, do it now. You could be eligible for 100% medical through the V.A. while unemployed and even co-pay coverage if you fall under the poverty limit after you get a job. On the public assistance thing, if you have more than $250 officially in the bank or anywhere (even in an IRA) you get squat.

DO NOT listen to rumors and expect anyone to put cash in your hands and give you a job making a lot of money. You have what you have and you are looking for a job to pay your way for housing and food and other necessities and you of course aren’t eligible for any unemployment benefits because you haven’t had any earned income. Get used to going to Thrift Shops and Dollar Stores. FYI – a cell phone, cable TV, etc. are not necessities for you at this time.

Let me tell an interesting story about a cell phone however. Mom went on a trip with a cousin to Wyoming for a few days and she asked me to pick them up when they came home and said the airport has a special area for waiting for arriving flights. Guess what, it is a cell phone waiting area. I found them after driving around and ending up at the gate for baggage pick up for the airlines they flew on. Good thing it was 1 in the morning and the traffic was light. Old school still works, but it is tough.

The hurdles of a place to live and meals are the biggest initial obstacles but I can’t write more about that because I was fortunate enough that I didn’t have to face those hurdles. I am living with my elderly parents and back in my old room from when I was in high school and helping around the house with routine things (cooking, cleaning, gardening, etc.) and in general things that have been neglected. Dad isn’t ambulatory.

Frankly after only a couple weeks I was bored without a job to go to. I fully plan to contribute to household expenses (call it rent) once I have income. I also want to get back out and be able to play some golf eventually, but that is a luxury I will have to have a job to support. FYI - I have been to a driving range and the old equipment works just fine given my physical limitations of age and rust.

Ah…finding a job. The biggest change I noticed in that regard, after adjusting for a week and then heading to the Career Link is that the world is so computerized that going out and knocking on doors looking for a job is old school. Oh, you can still do that if you have transportation to get around, but I have found some things are very different, even after 10 years.

It seems employers mostly only want a resume and a cover letter by email or fax and then they review it and get back to you. Isn’t technology wonderful? You are limited somewhat to where you can’t sell yourself as a person and have a two-way conversation with a potential employer. Of course it all depends on what kind of job you are seeking and your job experience. One key thing to remember is not to set expectations too high in regard to finding a good job nor should you have a time expectation for finding a job, any job. It is a recipe for failure where patience will serve you better.

It all starts at the Career Link with the aforementioned orientation where they will point out the available resources. Veterans have top priority, so use that. You may be the only one there who is just out of prison and there is no need to disclose that in a group setting and you have to try to fit in with the unfortunate people who are out of work just like you are. Nobody cares why because they have their own problems. This is an attitude you have to learn. You may be an ex-con, but now you are out in a free world and you have to think like that. Few will feel sorry for you having been in prison and it won’t open any doors for you. It is there and you know it and a potential employer will ask and will know and beyond that it is nobody else’s business.

Depending on whether you live in an urban or suburban area, transportation is a very important issue. A car is a necessity if you live outside of an area served by public transportation. If you have a car there is the cost and gas to run it and insurance. You will find ways to work around this in your personal situation, but don’t readjust your focus from the important things.

Technology will be all around you and even some things with the stores and shopping will be different. The first time I went out to get gas after I got my drivers license I frustrated the people behind me (yes, there are gas lines at times). I didn’t know how to use mom’s GIANT gas discount card for $0.40 a gallon off and get the pump started and the guy perched in the glass booth could have cared less to help. Eventually I got it. Frankly it was a little embarrassing. Geez…$0.40 off on a gallon of gas; I remember when you could get a dollars worth of gas and go for days. I must be getting old.

Let me make this one comment about technology. From what I have seen it is really good and makes some things easy to do. But it is a love it or hate it relationship. As I gradually try to adjust and learn about it I sometimes find myself getting so frustrated and overwhelmed that I absolutely hate it.

It seems everyone has a cell phone, blackberry and all kinds of stuff and everywhere you go they are using them. A friend showed me his little device that fit in the palm of his hand and how he could text, talk on the phone, and connect with the Internet with it. I just shock my head like I understood it all, but is was overwhelming to be honest. It’ll come in time for me maybe. Walking around the streets and in the stores people have conversations with unseen people and it is commonplace. Do people really need to stay in contact so much and what is so important?

Cash is something people have and they use it but it is so easy to swipe a credit card or a debit card that is what I have seen (and caught myself doing). Then there are the prices of things and using the plastic it is easy to lose track of the cost of things not having been out in the world for a while. Coming home from the orientation at the Career Link I needed to get gas. I told the guy in the store (it seems every gas station has a store now) I wanted to fill up and offered him $20. He put it in the cash register and looked at me funny. When the pump stopped feeding the precious liquid out of the nozzle into the car and registered only 6.7 gallons of gas I got it. Yes, gas is that expensive.

I have written about the physical things that need to be dealt with but have left the public acceptance stuff for last. People don’t know who you are, where you have been, what you have done. Mostly they don’t care from my experience. I got a bicycle and started riding it around the neighborhood after a couple weeks. I am sure the neighbors notices I was living in the neighborhood working outside the house, going in and out, walking to the nearby shopping center, etc. As I started to take short trips around the neighborhood on my bike for exercise people nodded and waved or said hello. I was one of them in their eyes. Here is a vivid thought. I wonder if they would be so friendly if they knew where I had just come from?

I have to tell you that initially it is akin to having PTSD in a way where you are afraid and very careful where you go and what you do and how you do it. On the way home from prison I wanted to get a Mother’s Day card for mom because the next day was the day and I resisted buying one of the cheesy cards available in prison to have when I got home. My brother pulled into a shopping center and parked the car and pointed to a card store and pulled out his cell phone to make a call.

What – I could go into the store by myself? I got out of the car and walked slowly across the parking lot and into the store with people inside buying cards. I don’t know how to relate to you how uncomfortable I was and how I felt like every eye was watching me walk the aisles of cards and then stand next to someone else looking at cards. And then…and then…and then after I found one I had to go pay for it. You know, with money to a cashier. I had money, even if it looked different from what I remember, and I managed that and got out of that store as fast as I could. It was like a claustrophobic feeling you might say.

It got easier each day and it took over a month to get more comfortable. I went in K-mart the other morning to get a pair of shorts and a belt and did OK. I even used my debit card for the bank account I opened a few days after being home. I have to say that even after a couple months I still am a little self-conscious by myself in stores, but I am getting better at it. It was the same with my first haircut and my first meal in a restaurant. There are a lot of firsts.

As far as the public acceptance part of it. It is like the adage about “Hot Dog” football players after he scores a touchdown. Just give the ball to the official like you have been there before. Remember, you have been there before and as you gradually ease back into the swing of things and all the changes. Do that and the people you come across won’t care who you are, where you have been and about your past as long as you blend in to become one of them.

The last selection on the Eagles “Hell Freezes Over” album is playing now, Desperado. Remember some of the lyrics? “Come to your senses…” and “Let somebody love you before it’s too late.” The first selection was Get Over It. Ah, just a great song by a classic group.

I am going to go out on the front porch now and enjoy the breeze and fresh air, relax, and read a little. If I notice someone walking by or on a bicycle I may wave or nod to them as they pass by. While things aren’t ever ok in the world with oil spills and such, I am doing pretty good with some things even if I don’t have that job yet some two months out of prison. But I can sit outside and look forward to what life might have in store for me knowing there are things I can control and things I have to accept that I can’t control. I’ll find work, it just is going to take a while.

And as one legendary stalwart newscaster would say, “And that’s the way it is.”